First "FIRST" Marathon Training Workout

This past week has been hard. Not necessarily from a hard-workout standpoint, but from a motivation standpoint. The newness is wearing off, I was hungry from the diet, and I had more than a few "what was I thinking?" moments. After all, I am not 18 anymore (or 28 or 38 or 48). I can run for an hour without stopping now, but I am so slow that little girls walking to school in the morning pass me. I am sure they are secretly laughing, or at least wondering why the old bald fat guy is breathing so hard.

Last Friday was particularly hard. I was really huffing and puffing when I passed a middle-age lady walking a small poodle. She had an Ipod with ear-phones and some very stylish dark sunglasses. I ran past and grunted hello. She didn't seem to notice. About 10 minutes later, out of nowhere, she ran past me like I was standing still. Her yappy little poodle took the time to bark at me and at Tink. Sigh.

I was really worried about starting my FIRST marathon training program today. The first day is a 10-minute warm-up run (since when is a 10-minute run just a "warm-up"?) followed by six repetitions of 1 minute fast and 3 minutes slow, finishing with a 10-minute cool-down run (since when is a 10-minute run "cool-down"?). No walking, and program emphasizes that the fast needs to be really FAST. These are apparently known as "fartlek" runs, which is said to be Swedish for "fast play." Or is it "fast death." Can't remember. Paul, help me out here. What does fartlek mean?

Anyway, I was pretty gassed after the 10-minute warm-up run. I was warmed up like toast. Anyway, off I went at the 1 minute fast pace. I do not believe I have run that fast for at least 10 years. Except maybe the time that Quincy (my Dalmatian that had to be put down last year) took off down the block towards the freeway. That was not pretty. But then again, neither was today.

I think Einstein must have been a runner and discovered his theory of relativity doing fartlek runs. I think he discovered that time slows down as the speed of light is approached when he noticed that the fast part of his fartlek runs lasted the equivalent of six years, even though his stopwatch only moved one minute. He was a genius, and no doubt ran really, really fast. The theory was reinforced to him when he slowed down and the 3 minute slow part of the run went by in the blink of an eye.

After six repeats, my hamstrings were so tight that I thought I might have to be wheeled home. Emma, my 9-year old, joined me for my 10-minute cool-down run after the repeats. Me: "Hi, Emma." Emma: "Dad, are you OK?" Me: "Why do you ask? Just make sure you can keep up." Emma: "OK. Do you need me to slow down, Daddy?" Me: "Thanks, baby, for not showing me up. Now, please help Daddy into the house before that freaky lady with the poodle runs by again."